April 6, 2002

Will A New Day Bring A Celine & Rene Media Blackout?

The Celine Dion publicity machine is in full force. The non-voluptuous and tacky (dubbed ketaine by more than one Montreal Gazette writer) pop songstress seems to be everywhere these days promoting her new album. Is it just me or does it sound like Celine is reading from a well constructed script saying the same personal family gibberish over and over and over again? Here is some earth shattering news for Celine - she is not the only person on this planet to have given birth to a child.

As if Celine's staged "comeback" isn't enough bad news for the besieged music fan, we also have to stomach the return of her 80's style big hair. Of course, if her hair was in style, it would not match her out of style outfits.

Why did Celine come back one year early from her self-imposed exile? We can only surmise that if she waited another year, there would be no music industry to return to. Have you seen the current atrocious financial state of the major music labels?

So what new nuggets of wisdom have we learned from the Quebec pop queen since her return? To start with, she says she purchased a modest three bedroom house in Las Vegas so her son can be raised in a normal home environment.

A New Woman In Rene's Future?

Celine, are you sure this "down to earth" home wasn't purchased to entertain hubby Rene's gambling buddies while in Vegas? It has been reported on at least one occasion that Rene may be fond of Las Vegas gambling casinos. In addition, what type of normal upbringing do you expect to give a child by raising him in a city like Las Vegas, also known as "sin city"?

And speaking of Rene, he has recently been accused of sexual assault by a female Korean ordained minister. Rene has said he is anxious to speak about the incident and defend himself, however, a gag order has been imposed on the case. One thing we have not been told is who asked for this gag order.

In addition to promoting Celine's awful bubblegum music, are Rene's legal and credibility problems another reason why we are being made ill by too many lovey dovey family style stories from the Dion household? Is the Celine publicity machine trying to distract the public from Rene's alleged wrongdoings and give the perception that they actually are a loving and happy family?

Celine, on more than one occasion, has also expressed her enormous love for her wonderful fans. Like other music queens, do Celine's fans send her any gifts? If the fans do send her gifts, does Celine take the time to open her fans' gifts or does she just dump the unopened gifts straight into the garage?

If Celine is showing her "appreciation" towards her fans by dumping their unopened gifts in the garage, her fans deserve it. Apparently, the stupidity of today's music fan has no boundaries. I wonder if any of those generous fans have ever received a thank you note from the Celine team? We can only wonder why Celine's new son prefers hanging out in the garage.

If Celine and Rene are once again interested in renewing their wedding vows, the Sphinx NiteClub is contemplating holding camel riding nights on Thursdays. If we decide to hold such an event, the happy couple will be the first to be invited as our first honorary camel riders.

Since the Sphinx has a modest cover charge, this would be perfect for Quebec's royalty since they would not have to pay a fortune to ride camels. Picture it - cameling riding at the Sphinx - how romantic.

And if Celine's and Rene's escapades are not enough for their loving fans, the public also has to deal with Sony's crap (not to be confused with the gambling game). In case you did not know, Sony is Celine Dion's music label.

According to this CNET article, thanks to Sony, Celine's new CD can cause your computer to crash if you attempt to play it in your PC's CD drive. Although we would like to feel bad for Celine's fans, it serves them right for paying 20 bucks for shitty music.

Now if the other labels can get with the program and do the same copy protection nonsense with the lousy music they continue to release. If the practice continues, one can only hope that eventually the consumer will get the message and stop paying good money for garbage that may potentially damage expensive computer equipment.

Now, if the non-consumer friendly CDs are not enough to make Sony look like the tasteless outfit they are, take a look at this article.

Finally, getting back to Mr. and Mrs. Celine Dion, if they need a camel to ride off into the sunset together, maybe we can arrange something in a color to match their outfits. By the way, if they anyone needs information about Las Vegas Casinos, they can go here.

Sphinx
"There's Only 1 Station"

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